NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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