I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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