please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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