My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
