You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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