I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
