I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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