I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Houston, we have a squirter
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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