Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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