I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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