what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
