Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
