im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
