I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All the doctor said was why
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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