If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
