Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
