I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
