omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize