I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
