I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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