Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
