dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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