happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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