please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
