just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
