i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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