Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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