I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
