just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize