i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
