Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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