she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
