And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
