"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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