im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
