your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
