She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
