True but thats because hes a fetus.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
