there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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