She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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