You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Your penis caused this!
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