just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize