I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
