WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize