Walk of Shame. In a state park.
In America we eat man semen.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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