At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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