I only kidnapped one of them. chill
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
