im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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