So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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