There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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