Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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