I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
