i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
