I think my fart just growled at me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
