Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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