The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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