yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well you can't waste a boner
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
