you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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