Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
