Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
