that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Randomize
