I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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