He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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