Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
