Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
